Imperfect Saint Read online

  “But?” Lemon prompted when she trailed off.

  “But, he’s still Joshua. The same Joshua I spent half my life loving and I’m scared that the minute I see him, I won’t be able to help myself. He’ll say he’s sorry and that he’s changed and he’ll promise me the world. He’ll charm my panties off and that’ll be that, no matter how many times I tell myself I know better and I deserve better.”

  Lemon arched an elegant eyebrow, “So you’re saying he has some kind of power over you? Is it the power of earth-shattering orgasms? Are you stuck in his dicksand?”

  Millie wanted to laugh but the words hit a little too close to home so she simply sighed, “It’s more than that. He hates to lose. He doesn’t lose, ever, but he lost me and I’m afraid if I don’t stay away from him that he’ll set his sights on getting me back again and that’ll be the end for me.”

  Lemon softened, “Hey. Don’t talk like that. You’re strong and confident and you won’t let him back into your life this time.”

  Millie’s heart clenched because the truth was, her friend had more confidence in her than she had in herself. She wasn’t strong. Not when it came to Joshua. He’d made sure of that. He’d told her she was weak and when telling her hadn’t been enough, he’d shown her the truth of it.

  Every time she’d left him, she’d thought she was strong but she hadn’t been or else she wouldn’t have taken him back time after time.

  The last time she’d left him she’d said it was for good and she’d been strong enough to hold her ground for months, but what if she was wrong? What if she hadn’t gotten stronger? What if she’d only gotten better at avoidance?

  She’d avoided being anywhere near Joshua since she ended things but there would be no way of avoiding him at Colin’s wedding. He’d be right there all weekend, stuck to her side like a wart. They were Best Man and Maid of Honor so they’d be sitting together at every meal. No doubt they’d be paired for whatever activities the grooms had planned. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, Millie would have to take his arm and let him lead her down the aisle when the big moment came.

  The very idea of walking towards an altar with him made bile rise in her throat but even so, she wasn’t certain she was strong enough not to fall back into his bed if he wanted her there.

  At work, she’d adopted a not to be messed with persona that made people think twice about pushing her around, but as soon as she stepped out of her high heels and pencil skirt, she went back to feeling like the real Millie Turner. Lonely, sad, and a little bit pathetic, she felt like an afterthought and her family certainly didn’t help the situation when it came to her breakup with Joshua.

  Colin told her that she and Joshua had been perfect together. That surely, despite what Joshua had done, they could find a way to get past it. Her father constantly touted the importance of their pairing for the “good of the family” and even her grandfather had pulled her aside at Christmas to talk to her about the situation. He’d all but implied that men like Joshua, men that had grown up with every advantage and would be powerful enough to one day run this city, were allowed to make mistakes but they needed a strong woman to stand by their side. She hadn’t spoken to her grandfather since and wasn’t looking forward to seeing him any more than her father at the wedding.

  If only she’d had a strong woman in her life, Millie thought for the millionth time, maybe she wouldn’t have ended up in that situation with Joshua in the first place. If she’d had a mother or a sister she could talk to, maybe she would have been smarter. But her mother had died when she was barely old enough to remember her and Millie had no aunts, no female cousins, and no sisters. She’d led such a sheltered, secluded life as a child that she hadn’t even had close girlfriends until she went away to college and by then it was too late.

  She’d been one hundred percent Joshua’s by then. Heart. Soul. Body. She’d been his and nothing and no one could have told her there was anything wrong with their relationship. They’d been the perfect couple. Everyone had said so. They still did. The only thing that had changed was Millie and the lens through which she looked at herself, at Joshua and at the life they’d very nearly had together.

  “Camilla Evelyn Turner.” Lemon pulled her out of her thoughts by using her full name and Millie grimaced.

  “You know I hate it when you do that.”

  “I wanted to be sure I had your attention.” Lemon pointed a finger at her, “You are one of the smartest women I know and you are not going to fall for whatever used car-salesman tricks that philandering jackass has up his sleeves.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Are you not still royally pissed off at him for cheating on you?” Lemon prodded.

  “Of course I am.”

  She bit her lip and stared down at her desk, willing Lemon to let it go when she didn’t elaborate. Of course she was angry. Joshua had made a fool of her. He’d treated her like she was nothing until she’d started to believe it. After getting away from him and out from under his spell, she’d been humiliated by the person she’d seen looking back at her in the mirror. It was the humiliation that still remained. It was the knowledge that she had been so very, incredibly naïve and so very, purposefully stupid that hurt her even now.

  She was smart, just like Lemon said. Which was why Joshua still scared her so much. Had he really tricked her all that time? Or had she been so caught up in the life she wanted them to have that she’d ignored all the signs?

  That was the power Joshua had over her. He made her second guess herself. He was the kind of man that could start an argument and then somehow convince her that she was the one that had initiated the fight. In the months since she’d left him, since she’d been on her own, she’d done her research. She knew that the picture of the perfect boyfriend she had in her head was built on lies he’d carefully constructed. She knew he had traits that signaled he was a narcissist and that he’d used his tricks to manipulate her. But even knowing all of that, she couldn’t be sure that being back in his presence wouldn’t put her right back under his spell.

  “I don’t trust myself around him, Lemon.” She admitted even though she didn’t want to. “He has a way of twisting everything I say and think until it fits the story he wants to tell. I’ve managed to make it through the few minutes of polite conversation he’s forced me into over the last few months but I don’t know how I’m going to get through an entire weekend. He’s nothing if not persistent and I won’t have the luxury of simply walking away every time he approaches me.”

  Lemon nodded understandingly. She stared out the window for a long moment but Millie didn’t say anything. She knew what it looked like when her friend was deep in thought. She wondered if Lemon was putting together all of the things Millie didn’t say, all the details she kept to herself. Lemon was smart too and she had her own past and demons, but no matter how much she might relate, Millie had never been able to tell her friend the whole truth. And even if Lemon had her suspicions, she was kind enough to keep them to herself until Millie was ready to broach the topic. She let the silence hang heavy between them until Lemon finally turned back to face her.

  “There’s only one solution.”

  “Is that so?” She raised an eyebrow, waiting for whatever crazy idea Lemon had cooked up this time.

  “Yes, and it’s not bailing on your brother’s wedding.” Lemon leaned back in her chair again and gave a slow smile, “You need to take a buffer.”

  “A buffer?”

  “A date. Somebody to keep your mind off Joshua and your body away from him.”

  Millie thought over the idea. A buffer. A date. Somebody willing to run interference whenever Joshua got too close to her. It wasn’t a bad plan. Not really. God knew it was the only way she’d managed to survive the times Joshua had forced his way into her life over the past few months. She typically used Colin as a middleman but he would be too busy getting married to stay by her side this weekend. It would have to be someone else, but that just raised
a new problem.

  “I’m not exactly seeing anyone these days, Lem.”

  “I know.” The blonde smiled again.

  “And the wedding is this weekend.”

  “I know.”

  “So, I take it you already have someone in mind for this charade?”

  “I do.” Lemon gave a smug nod.

  “Who?”

  “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I’ll take care of everything.”

  Millie narrowed her eyes suspiciously when her boss brushed off her question, “Lemon…”

  “Don’t use that warning tone on me. I’m doing you a favor, Mills. I’ll have a date for you, ready and able to distract you from your ex and as an added bonus, he’ll make that bastard think twice before coming anywhere near you this weekend. When do you leave for the wedding?”

  “Tomorrow afternoon but…”

  “No buts.” Lemon pushed herself up to her feet, “I’ll take care of it. After all, what are friends for?”

  “Apparently setting up fake wedding dates?” Millie gave a panicked, half-laugh, “This seems like a really bad idea. Taking a random person to my brother’s wedding just to keep Joshua at bay? It’s ridiculous, not to mention selfish. Just forget it. I’ll figure it out myself.”

  “Not a chance that I’m leaving you to your own devices on this one, Mills. I have the perfect date in mind for you and I’ll tell him what’s going on so he’ll know the score before you two leave tomorrow, okay? I would never send you with someone I didn’t trust to have your best interests at heart. You know that right?”

  “Yeah but-”

  “So, there’s nothing to worry about. Trust me.”

  With a quick hug and a mischievous wink, Lemon bounded back out of Millie’s office. Once she was alone again Millie dropped her head into her hands and wondered just what the hell she’d agreed to. Lemon was good-intentioned but having her set up a fake date with some guy Millie had never even met for an event as momentous as her brother’s wedding seemed like a disaster in the making.

  The invitation on her desk stared back at her, taunting her with the knowledge that Joshua would be unavoidable at this wedding. She couldn’t help but wonder if that wasn’t part of Colin’s plan making them Best Man and Maid of Honor. Colin thought he knew what was best for her but he didn’t know the whole story and he couldn’t find out, definitely not at his wedding.

  Millie had to admit she didn’t want to go to this wedding alone. She didn’t want to face her family alone. Maybe if she showed up with a date they’d finally realize she was serious when she said things with Joshua were through for good.

  Instead of picking her phone up and calling Lemon to tell her that she didn’t want or need a hired date, or whatever Lemon was planning, she typed out a text to her brother. He would have questions but she could deal with those later. Right now, all that mattered was changing her RSVP to a very last minute plus-one.

  2

  “He did what?”

  The headache that had been brewing since the moment he picked up the phone reacted to the venomous words he’d just heard and turned into a full-blown migraine. He gripped the phone so hard he was certain the thing would be cracked when he looked at it again. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears; feel the heat of anger light up every nerve ending in his body. It was like a switch had been flipped and all of the violent urges he’d have sworn even five minutes ago that he didn’t have, went on high alert.

  He wanted to hit something. Destroy something. He wanted to tear something apart but it wasn’t a something, it was a someone.

  Hunter St. James took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let it out as he worked to steady himself. Silently he counted backwards from ten and with each inhale and exhale he regained control. With each breath he reminded himself that he wasn’t in a life and death situation, that his anger was understandable but violence wasn’t acceptable and eventually his body agreed with what his mind already knew. By the time he hit one he could at least hear the voice on the other end of the phone line saying his name again which was a good sign.

  “Hunter? Hunter! I know you didn’t hang up on me because I can hear you breathing. Hunter. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it. He isn’t worth it. That isn’t why I called.” A small pause and then another exasperated curse, “Dammit Hunter, at least grunt so I know you’re still listening.”

  “I’m here.” He managed a growl.

  “Thank God. I thought you might have dropped the phone to go kill the bastard.”

  “The thought crossed my mind.”

  Lemon Kelly laughed on the other end of the phone line but Hunter didn’t. He didn’t even smile, because he had been completely serious. Even now, without conscious effort, his brain was working through the details, sorting out what he knew from what he didn’t, trying to make sense of what Lemon had just told him about Millie.

  Millie. Sweet, stubborn, perfect Millie. She’d been Lemon’s assistant long before he came into the picture. The two were good friends and he was still trying to figure out where he fit in their dynamic as Lemon’s new bodyguard. But Millie, God, he’d been infatuated with the no-nonsense girl from his first interview when she’d shaken his hand with a nice, tight grip, given him a serious once-over and then turned on her heel with a brisk order to follow her.

  Hell, he’d have followed her anywhere.

  She was cute as a goddamn button and either didn’t seem to know it or didn’t seem to care. Her long brown hair was usually pulled up into a bun or one of those fancy curl things women liked but that day it had been down around her shoulders and his fingers had itched to see if it was as smooth and soft as it looked. Her glasses did nothing to hide her beautiful brown eyes and he’d felt her gaze like it was a caress when she’d looked at him that first time. She was a dainty little thing, and in her glasses, bun and pencil skirts she looked like a girl playing dress up, which should not have instantly done it for him but it had. She had. And he’d only become more intrigued the longer they worked together.

  He’d asked her out after that first interview and she’d pursed her lips and given him the most disapproving stare he’d ever had shot at him. She’d told him that he was being quite unprofessional and when he’d made a joke, she’d shut him down immediately. She’d turned him down flat with no excuses or reasons. All she’d said was no and then she’d dismissed him from the room, and from her presence.

  He was fairly certain if it was up to Millie he wouldn’t have gotten the job but lucky for him, the interview had been a mere formality. Lemon had already signed with All Saints Security and he’d come highly recommended. Lemon had hired him despite his lack of professionalism, or he sometimes liked to think, because of it.

  He’d only found out weeks later Millie had been coming off a bad breakup at the time and that was because Lemon had told him to go easy on her friend. She’d never given him any details neither of them had, and he’d assumed whatever connection they shared that they didn’t want him to be privy to the inner workings of their personal lives.

  But Lemon had just changed all that. She’d called him up, out of the blue, to ask him to go to a wedding. She wanted him to be Millie’s date for the event so that she wouldn’t have to face her ex-fiancé alone and when he’d asked what the problem was with the ex, Lemon had informed him that the bastard had cheated on Millie.

  What a fucking idiot.

  Millie was not the kind of woman a man cheated on. She was the kind of woman a man married. But Hunter couldn’t focus on why it was his mind went straight to marriage when it came to the girl that all but ignored him most days because he had a niggling suspicion there was more to the story.

  Lemon had asked him to protect Millie this weekend at the wedding, but why did she think Millie needed a bodyguard just to deal with a cheating ex?

  Hunter had only been working for the queen of country music for the past six months. He was still learning all of Lemon’s quirks and neurosis. She had
plenty to be sure. Thad had warned him of as much when Hunter had taken over the position as Lemon Kelly’s bodyguard. Thad had worked for Lemon for years and he hadn’t been shy about warning Hunter that his new client could be impulsive, reckless, and hard to handle. He’d also told Hunter that she had a big heart and that she considered the people who worked with her more than just employees.

  They were her friends. Her family. She looked after them just as much as they looked after her.

  Case in point, she hadn’t called to ask a favor for herself. If there was anything the gigantic superstar would ever need from him other than the job she paid him to do, he couldn’t think of what it might be. Yet she’d called him to help a friend, to help her assistant, to help Millie and even if he could have told Lemon no, he would never turn down a chance to spend time with her perfectionist assistant outside of work.

  He wasn’t an idiot. He knew Lemon had figured it out. Hell, she’d probably known before he did. He liked Millie. More than liked her really. She absolutely fascinated him. He wanted to know more about her. He wanted to know everything about her.

  Millie was a consummate professional though. She kept their conversations and interactions strictly business, despite his efforts to get closer to her. He had a feeling she knew nothing about Lemon’s intentions to drag him into Millie’s personal life.

  A personal life he was only just learning was far messier than he’d expected from the quiet, practical, organized girl he worked with.

  He frowned again as his mind went back to what Lemon had just told him, “Why the hell would her brother make this asshole his Best Man? Doesn’t he know-”

  “Yes.” Lemon cut him off. “Well, kind of. He knows that this Joshua guy cheated but he’s convinced they can get past it. As far as he’s concerned Millie and his friend are soulmates. He thinks they should get back together and I’m sure he has plans to try and make that happen this weekend.”

  “Over my dead body.” Hunter tensed his jaw so hard his teeth ached.