No Fear (Bomar Boys Book 3) Read online

  Rachel was putty in his hands as he stood them back up and held her in place. Her legs held, which was an improvement, so he kept one hand on her hip and used the other to grab a towel. After helping her out of the tub, he stood her on the rug and slowly, with sure and gentle movements, began to undress her.

  It wasn’t easy. The wet clothes were heavy and clung to her body. When his hands brushed against her breasts she sucked in a gasp of air and he chewed the inside of his cheek. Her nipples stiffed as he worked her bra off and he was the one to suck in a breath as a new plan to get through to her began to form in his head.

  Keeping his breathing as steady as he could, he worked to undress her. Peeling layer after layer away until she stood in front of him completely bare. Completely vulnerable. But she made no move to cover herself. Then again, if the flush that had stolen over her cheeks and worked it’s way down her chest was any sign, she wasn’t as unaffected by her nudity as she seemed.

  Since his clothes were soaking wet too, Remy took a chance and let her go. She swayed slightly but didn’t fall. She also didn’t move away from him. Quickly now, he stripped his shirt off over his head and when he dropped it to the ground and looked at her again she’d begun to chew on her bottom lip. Her eyes were big and cloudy, red from her tears, but her lashes fluttered as she stared at his chest and he felt heat rush through his own veins.

  She was still here with him. She wasn’t pulling away. He had to hope that meant he could get through to her. He had to prove to her that he was still here with her too, that he still loved her, that he always would.

  He kicked out of his jeans and heard her breathing kick up a notch once they were both naked. Slowly, so he didn’t scare her, he eased forward and pulled her into his arms. He lifted her easily, holding her close, pressing them together until it was impossible to tell where he ended and where she began. She shivered against him and then he felt it. Tentatively, her arms came up around his neck, holding him to her in return and he let out a shuddery breath of relief that there was some sign that she wanted this, wanted him.

  Remy tipped her chin up and kissed her, slow and soft. No tongues. No teeth. Just his lips against hers, grounding them both. He tried to tell her with his kiss all the things he needed her to know.

  He loved her. He chose her. He always would.

  When she tried to deepen the kiss, he broke it. Confusion colored her big, gray eyes but as much as he hated that look on her beautiful face, he simply shook his head. They weren’t rushing this, not this time. He carried her to their bedroom and gently laid her back on the bed, following her down until every part of their bodies were in line and only then did he kiss her again.

  Sweet and gentle, he kissed her as if they had all of the time in the world, as if there was no need to rush, because there wasn’t. He wasn’t going anywhere and neither was she. He intended to make love to her the same way.

  Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck again, moaning against his mouth when she rocked her hips up and felt his erection. He propped himself up on one elbow and used his free hand to force her hip back down to the mattress. She bit her lip again, that look of confusion painting her pretty, tear-swollen face and making him groan.

  “We’ve rushed through too much already. This, you and me… I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care how long it takes to prove that to you. I’m not going anywhere. Just relax and let me love you.”

  He kissed her again and slowly, after several long minutes, he felt the tension in her body begin to relax beneath him. Her lips were warm and soft against his. Pliant, receptive, but he could feel that she was still holding back. There was a part of her that she was still keeping from him, afraid that if she gave it to him and he left her that she might never be whole again. What he had to prove to her was that neither of them were going to be whole until she trusted him completely.

  He nuzzled her jaw, back to her ear, “I love the way you taste.”

  “H-h-how?”

  As much as he hated when she stuttered with him he smiled as he nipped at her ear. She moaned and arched up into him. Her soft curves pressing against him. Any reaction was better than the paralyzing fear of earlier. If he had to use their chemistry to prove to her that she was his, then so be it.

  “You taste like mine.” He kissed down her neck to the swell of her breast, “Like you were made to drive me mad. Everything about you makes me crazy. The way you taste, the way you look, the way you respond to me.” He licked her nipple, “The way you need me.”

  “R-Remy…”

  “Shhh, no talking. Not right now. Right now, you’re simply going to let me take care of you… because that’s what you do when you love someone. And I love you Rachel. So much.”

  “Bu…”

  He captured her mouth again and groaned when her tongue licked him. His own stroked forward before he could remind himself that he was supposed to be going slow. The taste of her had been slowly rolling through him but this was a direct punch to his gut and he couldn’t help but push his hips down against her. Rocking against her softness until she pressed up again and he remembered this was about more than getting off.

  Remy broke the kiss, “Let me love you, Rach.”

  He slid a hand down her body before she could respond and found her wet folds. She jerked, a shaky breath escaping, as he slid down to her clit and then circled it mercilessly. He stared down at her, watching the way her eyes widened and then squeezed shut, the way she bit into her lip and whimpered when he pressed just right. He slid a finger inside her and her hips jerked up, wanting him deeper and he obliged, all the while watching her face for reactions.

  He was paying attention for any hesitation on her part but he didn’t find any. She didn’t pull away from him. She arched closer, wanting more, needing more, and he would happily give it to her. He’d give her anything.

  “Remy.” His name came out on a breathy moan, her head thrown back, eyes shut, all but pleading.

  “Damn, the way you react for me… I love it. Love the way you open up for me, always so needy. You don’t just want me. You need me.” He nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth, “Say it. Say you need me.”

  “I-I-I…” Rachel let out a keening cry when he flicked her clit, “I need you. Please, Remy.”

  He kissed her as his fingers worked their way inside her, driving her higher. Their mouths were meeting in hurried, panted breaths now. His cock ached to take the place of his fingers but he refused to press inside her until… shit, he couldn’t hardly remember what the point of all this was. He only knew that he’d had one and it was more important than what his dick wanted.

  “You’re beautiful. So goddamn beautiful.” He groaned as he flexed his fingers deep and she cried out as she arched against him, “Tell me you love me. That you believe I love you.”

  Rachel let out a heaving sob and when he met her gaze he saw that tears fell from her eyes, “I love you. I love you so much.”

  Remy froze, his heart constricting at the sight of her tears. Her words sounded right but the tears, they were all wrong. This hadn’t been the way to go about this. He could see that now. He was pushing again, too hard and too fast. She was too fragile and she was already broken. He would shatter her if he wasn’t careful.

  He pulled away but Rachel let out a wailing cry and grabbed his shoulders. Her nails dug into his skin, scratching him until he was sure he was probably bleeding. He didn’t care about that, didn’t care about his pain. He was fully focused on hers.

  “Baby…”

  “No.” Rachel wiped at her eyes with the back of one hand, “Don’t leave me, Remy.”

  “Never.”

  The one word came easily and he leaned down, kissing the tear track marks on her cheeks and down her temples. She shuddered against him, holding him close, and he let out a shaky breath. He didn’t know what would hurt her more, if he stopped or if he kept going, so he left it up to her.

  “Make love to me.”

  “
Rach..”

  “I need you, Remy.” Her bottom lip wobbled, “P-p-please.”

  He had never been able to deny her anything so he leaned down and kissed her again. He could taste the saltiness of her tears and wasn’t entirely certain his own weren’t there between them too. When he broke the kiss this time, he trailed his lips down her neck. He kissed a path to her breasts and then teased her nipples, making her squirm.

  She palmed his head, “Remy…”

  He slid down the bed and buried his face between her legs, cutting her words off into a keening cry. He licked her and relished her taste. God he loved the way she tasted. She was wet and swollen and he momentarily wondered if she was sore from the night before. She’d been a virgin and he’d taken her more than once throughout the night. But when she tilted her hips up and cried his name again he forgot about asking if she was okay and simply buried his tongue inside her.

  As he made love to her with his mouth, he couldn’t help but think of the first time he’d had her open to him like this. He’d barely even kissed her before he’d gone down on her. He’d wanted her that badly and nothing had changed since then. He would always want her like this. Need her like this. Even that first time, before that first time, he’d known there was no going back for them.

  From the first time he saw her, he’d known how special she was. Beautiful but painfully shy. Slightly awkward and scared. And he’d wanted to save her then, had thought she could be the one to save him right back. He’d been right. She had. She’d given him a purpose, showed him what home really meant, what loving someone meant. Now it was his turn to do the same.

  She was it for him.

  “Mine.” He growled.

  “Yours.” She agreed.

  “Love you, Rach.”

  “Love you.” She whimpered as he kissed across her stomach, “Don’t stop. Please, don’t ever stop.”

  He knew she was asking for more than just sex. That was exactly what he was going to give her too. He was going to love her, protect her, make her his until there was no question between them or anyone that they belonged together.

  “Gonna make love to you, baby.” He bit her nipple and then trailed his hot lips up her neck, “Gonna make love to you until you believe that I’ll never let you go. Never. Gonna join us until we’re one person. One heart. One soul.”

  Rachel gave a jerky nod and that was enough, at least for now.

  He buried himself inside her beautiful body in one brutal push of his hips. Her body, so soft and wet, opened to him and they both moaned. Home. She felt like home in his arms. Like all of the mistakes and pain he’d had to endure to get to her had been worth it, because with Rachel he’d have enough good days to wipe out all the bad.

  Today had been a bad day but it didn’t have to define them. It wasn’t a breaking point, not for him. He wasn’t sure that he had one with this girl. Today was a bad day but that’s what love was about right? The good times and the bad and you stuck them out when you loved someone. Those were the vows he’d heard him brother say just last night and he felt them deep in his soul when he was with this girl.

  They would figure it out. Find a way to move past it. They had to.

  Their bodies moved together. Hers pressing up every time his swept down. Their hips rolling together with the kind of perfect synchronicity that he knew from years of mindless fucks wasn’t possible with just anyone. He could lose himself with Rachel, in Rachel, because he trusted her and loved her. Because she was his true other half, the piece of his heart and soul that had always been missing.

  She healed him and he only hoped that he could do the same for him.

  His hips thrust more quickly as his control slipped away. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers, needing to connect them in every way possible. Their bodies were moving so fast, so hard, that he couldn’t keep up the kiss without the threat of busting both their teeth out so he simply held there above her lips so that they were breathing the same air.

  “Remy, oh, oh, oh Remy…”

  He felt it as soon as Rachel’s orgasm began to take hold. She clenched all around him, her body trying to hold his deep. And that was where he wanted to stay, deep inside her, where he belonged, joined with her as if they were the same person. But his body overrode that want with a pressing need to drive and drive and drive until the need to bust tingled up his spine.

  Rachel screamed, her entire body tensing tight around him, as her orgasm crashed into her. Her mouth open, her head tilted back, her nails digging into his shoulders as she held him close. And he needed her to hold him, to keep him on earth, as he spiraled off his axis.

  He spilled inside her with a ragged groan. His hips refused to stop pumping. It seemed imperative to drive his seed as deep into her as possible. He wanted a part of him to linger inside of her long after this moment.

  “Rachel.” He moaned as he finally crested, “Love you, baby.”

  “Love you too.” She immediately responded, dragging his face to hers and kissing him deeply, “Love you too.”

  Their foreheads fell together and the rest of the world melted away. They shared breath. Their bodies still joined. And everything outside of this moment ceased to matter because this was about them, about the two of them, finding each other and trusting each other.

  Remy brushed her damp hair back and winced when he felt her shake beneath him, “Oh, baby… don’t cry.”

  “S-s-sorry.”

  His heart clenched, “No. Nothing to be sorry for. Just be here with me, okay?”

  “I am.”

  “Then nothing else matters.”

  Rachel bit her lips but nodded and he couldn’t do anything more in that moment. The talk they needed to have, it wasn’t for right now. Right now all he could do was hold her and love her and hope that somehow it was enough to overcome all of her doubts. They’d both been through so much. Pain and hurt. But together, they could overcome it.

  He knew it. He only hoped she did too.

  “Love you.” He said again, unsure what else he could say or do to get through to her.

  Rachel hugged him close, holding him to her, until he softened enough that he slipped out of her body. He knew he should get up. Get a wet towel, clean her up. Clean both of them up. But he couldn’t force himself to release her. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Definitely not when things were so shaky between them.

  He rolled to his back, taking her with him so that she had no choice but to sprawl across his chest. He tightened his hold until there was no way she could get away from him, not that she tried. Rachel clung to him just as tightly.

  They lay together like that for a long time. He felt his breathing slowly return to normal, felt hers do the same, but he knew neither of them were asleep. He stroked one hand through her hair, another up and down her back and he half thought he was dreaming when he felt her shudder. Then, he felt it, great wracking sobs that threatened to tear him apart just as steadily as they threatened Rachel.

  She was crying again and this time, he had no clue how to stop it.

  He simply held her. Pulling her even tighter against him until he wasn’t certain she could even breathe. He held her tight and told her he loved her and that they would make it through this. He told her that there was nothing left to be afraid of and he knew, once Lincoln dealt with Craig, that it would be true.

  Chapter Sixteen

  They lay on their sides, staring at each other, neither of them speaking. They’d been that way for a long time. When Remy had woken up, the sun was setting and he’d rolled over to find Rachel in bed beside him, the blankets pulled up to her chin and her hands beneath her cheek. She’d looked so small and fragile that his first instinct had been to reach for her so he had. He’d laced their fingers together and then brought her hand to his mouth, kissing it gently.

  But still she hadn’t spoken.

  Her dark hair was tangled from sleep and from his hands. Her beautiful face was swollen and splotchy from all the tears. Her big,
gray eyes were bloodshot and her bottom lip was ravaged as if she’d spent the hours he was asleep chewing it between her teeth. She must have gotten up at some point when he was sleeping because she was wearing one of his oversized shirts again which sent a possessive urge through him that was hard to shake.

  He wanted to pull her into his arms. He wanted to hold her tight and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But since he couldn’t read what she was thinking in that beautiful head of hers, he simply held her hand and waited for her to work up the courage to say something.

  He had no idea how long they lay there like that, fingers intertwined, gazes locked, before Rachel finally let out a rough breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them they looked wet again but she blinked, keeping the tears at bay. She squeezed his hand, as if she was afraid he would pull away when she spoke.

  “I-I-I… I’m sorry.”

  He winced at the stutter and squeezed her hand in return, “Shhh… there’s nothing to apologize for, baby.”

  “B-b-but…”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. I wish…” He sighed heavily and rolled up to his elbow so he could look down on her, “I wish you’d trusted me enough to tell me but I get why you didn’t. You were scared. You are scared. But you don’t have to be scared of losing me, Rach. That’s never gonna happen.”

  Her chin wobbled, “I-I-I d-d-din’t know… know… about Colt.”

  “I know. I believe you.”

  “Y-y-you do?”

  Her questions, her doubt, ripped at open wounds but it was the stutter that pierced his heart. She stammered when she was scared, when she was hurting, when she was nervous. She shouldn’t be any of those things with him. Ever.

  “You’re mine, Rachel. You’re mine and I swore to myself when I came home that I would protect the people that I love, this time around. I’m going to protect you. From Lincoln. From Craig. From anything and anyone that would ever try to hurt you.”

  “I-I-I… I don’t deserve you.”

  Remy started to explain to her that it wasn’t about what they deserved but stopped himself short. He’d spent a lot of his life thinking he didn’t deserve to be happy, didn’t deserve to be loved, because of what had happened to him when he was a teenager. It hadn’t been his fault. Logically he knew that but it didn’t mean that the dirty, unclean feeling went away. It hadn’t. Not when he’d started drinking to black out. Not when he’d tried whatever drugs he could get his hands on. Not even when the Army had handed him a gun and made him fight for his own survival.