No Apologies (Bomar Boys Book 2) Page 4

  And yeah, it probably made him a total stalker that he knew what perfume she wore. He’d asked her once what it was and then he had looked it up to find out what it was made of. It was a sexy, erotic scent that drove him crazy but he’d never been able to figure out if that was because of the flower or because of the woman that wore it.

  The second thing he noticed was that the bed was empty. He forgot all about his erection as his eyes jumped around the room. The bed was a mess, sheets and blankets tangled as if she’d slept fitfully in it before she got up. But if she wasn’t in the living room and she wasn’t in her bedroom, where the hell was she?

  Had she left? Maybe she was feeling better and decided to go out but that didn’t make sense because her car was in the lot. Maybe she’d relented and let her boyfriend come and pick her up, let him take her back to his place to care for her.

  Colt scowled at the thought and backed out of her room.

  He shouldn’t be here. He’d known that before he came but he’d been worried. That was the real reason he’d raced over here. Not because he owed Jemma or Cash, not because he was doing them a favor. He’d come to check on Skylar because he cared about her and he’d needed to see that she was okay even if she wanted nothing to do with him.

  She wasn’t here. He shook his head as he peeked into Jemma’s room just to be sure she hadn’t gone in there for some reason. No, she wasn’t here and he was a fool for barging in thinking that he was going to save her somehow. He wasn’t any sort of savior and…

  Colt stopped in his tracks outside the door to the small bathroom. Just like in the apartment he shared with his brother, this unit only had one bathroom and it was situated at the front of the hallway. He’d blown past it on his way in, desperate to get to her bedroom, but now he saw what it was he’d missed.

  “Skylar?”

  In the dark it was hard to tell but he thought she was curled up on the floor of her bathroom. She’d dragged a pile of blankets and pillows in there and was half hidden beneath the gigantic mound. If the odd shape on the floor hadn’t caught his attention he wouldn’t have even noticed, definitely wouldn’t have seen her blonde hair peeking out.

  “Skylar?” He raised his voice a little as he moved into the small bathroom. “Sky? Hey, you awake?”

  He had to tiptoe in carefully since he couldn’t see where she was beneath the blankets. He didn’t want to accidentally step on her. He crouched down and felt his way forward until he could pull the blankets back from around her head. He winced when he got his first good look at her.

  At his first glimpse of her face, his stomach twisted with a fear like he had never known. Her skin was pale and she had dark circles under her eyes. His hands shook as he stroked her hair back from her face and he felt how hot she was to the touch. She groaned in her sleep and he let out a relieved sigh, thankful that she was breathing because for just a second there, he hadn’t been sure.

  “Sky, hey, it’s Colt. Wake up.”

  “Mmm.” She moaned and cuddled her face into his touch, “No. Go away.”

  He smiled at that, “Yeah, come on Skylar, open those beautiful blue eyes for me. I need you to wake up.”

  Her brow furrowed and her lashes fluttered before her lids rose drowsily. God, she was so damn pretty it made his chest hurt. Even when she was sick. Even when she was looking at him like she wasn’t entirely sure who he was. He couldn’t stop himself from stroking her cheek any more than he could stop his heart from thumping too hard in response to the way she moved into his touch instead of away from it.

  “Colt?”

  “Hey angel.”

  She stared at him for a long minute where he was scared to even breathe. Her blue eyes were foggy and far away. They weren’t bright and sharp like they usually were but he didn’t know if that was because she was tired, or sick or because she was never going to look at him the way he wanted her to look at him again.

  The last time they’d talked, she’d yelled at him for being an asshole. He’d let her. He hadn’t even argued. Because he was, because he had to be, because if he wasn’t she might realize just how much power she had over him.

  He braced himself for her to yell at him again. He thought she might send him away. Instead, she only stared at him with that confused look on her face and since she hadn’t immediately slapped his hand away he stroked her cheek soothingly.

  “S’not real.” She finally muttered softly and her lids drooped, “Friggin’ great.”

  He tilted his head in confusion, “What’s not real?”

  “You. Being here.” She harrumphed and tried to tug the covers back up over her, “I’m hallucinating now. The fever is making me hallucinate.”

  “You’re not dreaming, Sky.”

  “Course not. I’m hallucinating. If this was a dream, you’d be shirtless.” She flopped a hand over her face and groaned again, “You’re usually shirtless in my dreams.”

  He tried and failed not to chuckle at that candid remark, “You dream about me shirtless huh?”

  “Mmhmm.”

  Now was not the time, he reminded his cock when it jerked to attention. Skylar dreamed of him. Dreamed of him half naked from the sound of it. He wanted her to tell him every detail of those dreams, wanted to see if they matched up with his own. In his, she was usually completely naked.

  “I’m gonna want to hear more about that but first I think we should head to the emergency room to get you checked out.”

  That startled her into full consciousness, her eyes flew open and fear stared back at him as she shook her head, “No! No! No, I’m not going to the hospital.”

  “Sky…”

  “No!” She grabbed his arm so hard her nails dug into his skin, “No, please Colt. I’m begging you. No hospital. I’ll be okay. Promise me, no hospital.”

  He frowned because he knew he should insist. She looked really sick. She’d thought she was hallucinating him. She was clearly running a fever and from the state of the bathroom he’d say she’d been in here all day. She needed to see a doctor but despite his urge to take care of her, he also hated putting that look of fear in her eyes. Skylar wasn’t scared of anything, not even him.

  “Are you sure you don’t need a doctor?” He hesitated, “Your heart…”

  Her grip on him tightened, “My heart is fine. Feel.”

  Before he realized what she intended, she’d jerked his hand forward and placed it right across her chest. He sucked in a startled gulp of air as every nerve ending in his body hissed with recognition. No matter what he told his cock, it knew who the woman was lying beneath him, the same woman that he wasted most of his fantasies dreaming of touching, the same woman he tried like hell not to reach for whenever she was near.

  Every single time he touched her soft skin it was torture. Something happened when he touched her, some electric current passed between them that made his entire body feel magnetized, the urge to get closer to her so strong he had to physically fight it. He yearned to have her spread out beneath him, open and needy so he could touch every inch of her but he knew that would never happen and even thinking about it right now was why.

  He should have been focused on taking care of her. Instead he was fighting the urge to stroke his hand over her soft curves. If he moved his palm just a little he could cup her breast, find out if her nipple had pebbled for his touch. He was not a good man so he shoved his desire back down under the only thing more powerful, his overwhelming need to protect this woman.

  “See.” Skylar’s voice was breathy when she spoke again and he fought a groan, “It’s still beating just like it should.”

  Actually, it was kind of fast. He glanced back at her face and found her watching him from half-closed lids. Their eyes met and that current sizzled with heat and desire. She wet her lips with a swipe of her tongue and he struggled to force his gaze away. He couldn’t look at her when she was like this, when she didn’t bother to hide her reaction to him, when it was blatantly obvious that she was just as attracted t
o him as he was her.

  “Sky…” His voice was rough and he cleared his throat, “You promise me right now that if you feel it falter, even once, you’ll tell me and I won’t take you to the hospital until it does.”

  She instantly nodded, “Promise.”

  He blew out a rough breath and pulled his hand away from her chest, “Okay, then we should get you back to bed.”

  “Mmm, so this is what it takes for you to take me to bed.” She gave him what should have been a teasing smile but the exhaustion in her features made it weak and her eyelids drooped shut again.

  He ignored that comment. He had to. If he didn’t ignore it then he would get them both in really big trouble but it wasn’t easy. Not when she was looking at him like he really was some sort of savior and not when his dick was stealing most of the blood supply his brain so badly needed right now.

  He had to remember all the reasons keeping Skylar at arm’s length was important. Close, but not too close, that was his rule when it came to her. He needed her close, needed to see her so he didn’t go crazy, but he couldn’t let her close enough to see him, not the real him, not all the things he hid from the people he cared about.

  She couldn’t find out just how much she meant to him. It would ruin everything if she did. She’d insist he do something about it and he wasn’t ready for her yet. He wasn’t good enough for her, not yet.

  Maybe, someday, when he was stupid enough to let himself hope that was what he dreamed about. A someday, with Skylar. A day when all of his family bullshit was no longer darkening his life and his moods. A day when he finally cut out all the bad parts of himself and only let the good parts linger. That was a someday that he wanted and he wanted it with this woman but he couldn’t tell her that, not now, not when he had no idea when or if he would ever be ready for it.

  He wasn’t a believer. He wasn’t an idealist. The only love he’d ever seen in action was the kind that hurt. Love meant pain and opening himself up to even the possibility with a woman had never appealed to him.

  But he already cared too much about Skylar. She’d gotten in past all of his defenses. What had started out as a simple friendship had twisted inside of him because of the kindness, acceptance and even forgiveness that she showed him daily, even when he didn’t deserve it. She made him want to be something he wasn’t, something he didn’t know if he could ever be. Better.

  And that was far scarier than Decker’s fists or Lincoln’s threats could ever be. Because he knew how to deal with those things. He had years of experience. He knew all about darkness, about violence and anger and hate.

  But love was a completely foreign concept for him. He had no idea what to do with it. All he knew was that the people who should have loved him, his parents, never had. The people that should have loved him were the ones that had hurt him the most and his greatest fear was that he would repeat that pain on someone else, on Skylar.

  His need to protect her was more important than his desire for her. He couldn’t let her love him. He would protect her from that. It was all he could give her, even if she deserved so much more.

  Chapter Three

  “Come on, time for bed.”

  Colt shifted to his knees and leaned over her. She didn’t wrap her arms around him and he frowned. She’d closed her eyes again and he couldn’t stop himself from stroking her cheek one more time before he focused on the task at hand. He draped her arms around his neck as best he could and got a good grip on her as he pushed to his feet.

  Her head lolled and he groaned, “Come on, angel. I need your help. Hold onto me.”

  Skylar moaned but her eyes stayed shut, “Hmm?”

  “Put your arms around me and hold on.”

  She did as he asked though her grip was so loose he wasn’t sure it really helped. Carefully, he turned them around in the small bathroom and squeezed through the doorway. She nuzzled his chest with her cheek as he walked them to her bedroom and he swallowed a moan of his own.

  He was holding Skylar and he couldn’t even enjoy it. Couldn’t enjoy her seductive scent wrapping around him. Couldn’t enjoy how light she felt in his arms, as if she was made to fit there. She was sick he reminded his twisted thoughts as he carried her towards her bedroom. She was sick and he had no right to enjoy holding her, now or ever.

  “Colt?”

  He glanced down and realized she was looking up at him from those heavy-lidded eyes, “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me.” He twisted sideways to enter her bedroom, “We’re friends, right? Friends help each other out when they’re sick.”

  “Yeah. Friends.” She mumbled half-heartedly and he bit his tongue.

  God, he hoped they were still friends. She was mad at him but she didn’t hate him, did she? No, they were friends damn it. Hell, she was one of his only friends. His best friend. Even if she was pissed at him. Even if he had no idea why she would want to be friends with a bastard like him. They were friends and he was grateful for getting to have that much of her in his life.

  “I’m still mad at you.”

  He smiled when she read his mind, “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. You’re still an asshole.”

  “No arguments there, angel.” He stopped at the side of her bed and shifted her slightly, “Here you go, watch your head.”

  He deposited her down onto the bed and she let him. She didn’t try to hang onto him and whether that was because she was so weak or because she didn’t relish being in his arms as much as he did having her there, he would never know. He gently put her on her bed and then stepped back to find her looking up at him with that dazed expression again.

  “What?”

  “You called me angel.”

  The air in his lungs hardened and his throat tightened, “I… uh… did?”

  No. He couldn’t have. He hadn’t meant to. He was always very careful not to actually call her that out loud. It was what he called her in his head, because that was what she was to him. She was an angel, pure and good, a light in the darkness. But he’d never let the thought pass his lips, knew it revealed far too much, that he wouldn’t be able to take it back.

  “Uh huh.” Her exhausted smile tipped up again, “You did.”

  “I… well…”

  “You’ve never called me by any nicknames before.”

  He raised an eyebrow, surprised she’d noticed that, and played dumb, “Sure I have, I call you Sky all the time.”

  “No, you never call me by endearments. You use them with everyone else. Jemma. Billie. Rachel. Every woman I’ve ever heard you talk about is baby or sweetie or honey but you never call me any of that.”

  There was a question in her statements that she didn’t voice but he heard it nonetheless. Just like he heard the hurt she couldn’t keep out of her tone. It only proved his point. He’d hurt her without even meaning to. He wasn’t good for her and she needed to be protected from him.

  He couldn’t tell her that he’d never called her by any of those silly nicknames because that was what he called other women, women that didn’t matter to him. He could never have called Skylar the same thing he called those others but she’d only felt excluded. Left out. Unimportant. In truth, it was because she was the only one that was special to him.

  When he remained silent her eyes drifted over him in a soft caress and he barely heard her whispered confession, “I like angel, like that it’s just mine.”

  “I’m glad.” That ache in his chest grew more pronounced and he forced himself not to reach for her, “You need anything?”

  She blinked as if his change in mood confused her, “Uh… water?”

  “I’ll get you some.”

  “Thanks.”

  He retreated from the room as if his ass was on fire and sucked in a gulp of air when he was alone in the kitchen. Air, he needed air that wasn’t scented like her, air that didn’t make him think of her dabbing that perfume on her skin in secret, hidden places. He breathed in and out
for a long time, slowly opening the fridge and locating one of those fancy square bottles of water that Skylar seemed to prefer.

  She said there was something wrong with the water in their tiny town. There was chemicals in it. Or dirt. He wasn’t entirely sure what all she’d been going on and on about the day she snatched a glass of tap water out of his hand and called him crazy for putting that filth in his mouth. It had made him laugh at the time and he would never forget the soft way she’d looked at him when he explained she probably spent more on bottled water in a month than he could afford in a year.

  Once he had himself back under control he grabbed the bottle as well as a damp rag and aspirin and carried it all back to her bedroom. A glance at the clock on her nightstand confirmed that he didn’t have long until he absolutely had to be on the road to make his fight on time. He’d forgotten about it for just a minute there, because Skylar could make him forget his own damn name.

  Fighting was good, he told himself. He needed a fight tonight. It would give him something to do with all of this pent up energy that was suddenly flowing in his veins. Skylar put him on edge and since he couldn’t let those sharp parts of himself touch her, he would take his frustrations out on the guy in the cage.

  He cleared his throat as he stepped back into the bedroom, not wanting to sneak up on her again. She’d curled up under the blankets while he was gone but he could see her shivering even from a distance. He crossed to her quickly and put the bottle and other stuff down so he could pull the blankets back to look at her face.

  “Skylar?”

  “I.. I… I’m fine.” Even her smile was shaky.

  “The hell you are.” He growled, “We should go to the hospital.”

  “No. Please. You promised.”

  He swiped a hand through his hair, “Yeah, but you’re shaking now and I don’t know what to do.”

  “I just… need to warm up. It’s the fever. It’s fine.”

  He scowled at that. She wasn’t fine. She wasn’t anywhere near fine. She was sick and she was scaring the hell out of him. He’d taken care of himself and Cash for years. He’d taken care of their cuts and bruises, even broken bones, but he realized now that he’d never dealt with anything like this. Somebody he cared about was sick, hurting, and he had no idea what to do to help her.