No Fear (Bomar Boys Book 3) Page 8

  Going through the motions, her thoughts a hundred miles away, she cleaned up as best she could in the small bathroom. She borrowed Remy’s comb and pulled it through her tangled hair. There was a spare toothbrush in the drawer, unopened, and after a few minutes of debate she gave up and opened it, telling herself that she’d replace it as soon as she got the chance. She washed her face, cleaning off the remnants of the overdramatic makeup she’d worn the night before and when she looked back at herself in the mirror, she both felt and looked more like herself.

  When she finally worked up the courage to leave the bathroom, Remy was still asleep. She didn’t dare go back to his bedroom. She made her way to the living room to wait for him and then, because she was too nervous to sit still thinking about what would happen when he did wake up, she decided to raid his fridge for breakfast items instead.

  His kitchen was hit or miss. Some of the cabinets were completely bare. Others were packed full of old dishes that threatened to spill out as soon as she opened the door. There was bread but it was beginning to mold. There were eggs in the fridge that hadn’t expired and an entire bag of hot peppers. A package of flour tortillas looked edible enough and after some searching she managed to find a frying pan and some spices.

  Breakfast she could do. She could handle this. It would give her something to do with her hands and something to keep her mind occupied so she could stop fretting. She knew how to cook and she would make them both a hot meal. She figured it was the least she could do to thank Remy for last night. Even if he didn’t know it, he had saved her life.

  After breakfast, she had no idea what she was going to do. No clue what she was going to say to Remy when he asked what was going on. She wasn’t sure how much she should tell him. He’d put together that she was scared of Craig but she didn’t think that would be enough information for him. He would want to know why she was scared of her brother and she thought he deserved to know that Craig intended to hurt his family members. But if she told him that, it might change how he felt about her. He might push her away, send her away, and she wasn’t sure she could survive without him. Literally.

  She was lost and she had no idea what her next move should be.

  All she knew was that she wanted to stay with Remy, but even that was a big ball of confusion for her. Did she want to stay with him because he was safe or did she want to stay with him because she wanted him? Maybe it was a little of both. Couldn’t it be both? She didn’t know. She’d never wanted a man before, never not been terrified of having one near one, never looked at one and not imagined the horrible ways he could hurt her. Not until she’d met Remington Bomar.

  He made her want things she’d never thought she would want from a man. He made her feel things she’d never thought she could feel with a man. He made her feel safe. That was something no man had ever been able to give her and now that she’d found it, she couldn’t imagine giving it up, giving him up.

  A board creaked behind her just as she was rolling the last of the eggs, chopped peppers and cheese into a tortilla. Her hands froze and her entire body tensed on instinct. She had excellent hearing, another of her survival skills, another way to keep tabs on Craig so he couldn’t sneak up on her. She had to physically force her shoulders down but when she turned and caught sight of Remy, the smile came easily and naturally.

  He looked absolutely adorable. That should have been impossible on a six foot plus man with muscles designed to inflict pain but it wasn’t. Her grin widened as she watched him scratch his head, confusion on his handsome face as he took in what she was doing. He looked sleep rumpled and warm and more than anything, she wanted to cross the room and give him a hug, maybe go up on her tiptoes for a good morning kiss.

  As had become a dangerous and frustrating habit, her gaze snagged on his mouth and she couldn’t tear it away until she saw it quirk up at the edges to reveal those Bomar dimples that made her insides do funny things. He’d caught her staring at his mouth. Again. It wasn’t the first time and she was certain it wouldn’t be the last. She only wondered how long he would let her get away with it before he did something about her interested looks.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” She echoed quietly and then cleared her throat and forced her eyes back to his, “Good morning.”

  “Mm, yeah, no. That’s an oxymoron.” He yawned and stretched, the t-shirt he’d donned before coming into the living room riding up high and revealing the dark line of hair that disappeared into his sweatpants. “No such thing as a good morning.”

  She smiled at his grumpiness, “Not a morning person?”

  “Nope.” He moved a few steps closer, “That surprise you?”

  “A little.” She bit her lip when he rounded the counter that had been between them, “I uh… I mean, you were in the army right?”

  He made a disgruntled sound that could have meant anything, “Yeah.”

  “Never got used to the mornings?”

  Remy scratched his head again, “Nah. Nearly eight years and I never became one of those guys that could roll out of my bunk before the bell.”

  She did the math in her head and tried not to let her surprise show. Out of all the conversations she’d overheard between Skylar and Colt and Skylar and Jemma, she’d never realized that Remy had been out of the army for two years before he came home. She’d assumed he came home as soon as he got out. He was so dedicated to protecting his brothers, she’d figured he came back to see them as soon as he could. But he’d been gone for ten years, not eight.

  “Y-you were in the army for eight years?”

  His dark eyes narrowed slightly as he leaned a hip against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, “That’s not what you wanted to ask. You want to know where I was the other two years, right? Before I came back? It’s okay. You can ask, Rach.”

  How did he do that? How did he always read her so easily? Know what she was thinking? That was what she’d wanted to ask. She’d wanted to ask where he’d been for the past two years. She wanted to know why he hadn’t come home as soon as he got out of the army. She wanted to know everything about him.

  “I can?”

  “You can ask me anything.” A small smile lightened his face and he reached for her slowly, so slowly that she knew he was trying not to scare her, but when his big, warm, rough hand slid against hers she still shivered and his smile fell, “Is this okay?”

  She nodded.

  Remy’s fingers laced together with hers and her heart skittered wildly in her chest. It was nothing, just a touch of their hands, but she felt lightheaded. Her palms were sweaty and she knew he must feel it but he didn’t pull away. He tugged gently and she moved closer like she knew he wanted her to. Their legs brushed as he positioned her where he wanted her, just in front of them, so close that if she leaned up or if he leaned down, they could be kissing.

  “Rach?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Gotta stop lookin’ at me like that babe.” Those lips tweaked into a smirk, “I’m tryin’ to have a conversation with you but I’m only a man and you’re tempting me to forget my manners and take the kiss you’re all but beggin’ for, baby.”

  Her gaze jumped to his, shocked by his easy admission that he wanted to kiss her and that he knew she wanted his kiss. He’d never said anything like that to her before. No matter how many times he caught her staring at his mouth, he ignored it. Their mutual attraction was obvious but neither of them had broached the giant elephant in the room. Remy smiled softly, knowingly, and she bit her lips nervously. She’d known last night would change things between them.

  “I… but… you…”

  Remy sighed when she stumbled over her words, “I left Old Settlers when I was eighteen. I had to get away before this place destroyed me. It was selfish and I knew it then and eight years later when I got out of the Army I thought coming back would be even more selfish so I stayed away.”

  Since she’d been expecting him to say something about his desire to kiss her, it took
her a second to process what he was telling her. She relaxed as the moment passed. He wasn’t going to push her about her attraction to him, at least not at this very moment, so she forced herself to focus on what he was telling her instead.

  These were the kinds of things she wanted to know about him. The important stuff. Not just how attracted he was to her but who he was when he wasn’t playing the role of protective big brother or bad, Bomar boy.

  She released her lips from between her teeth, “Selfish how?”

  “I hurt the twins when I left. They were young and I couldn’t take them with me but it doesn’t change the fact that I left them behind. They grew up while I was gone. They grew into strong men. Good men. I guess I didn’t think I had any right to come back and fuck that up for them.” He must have seen the confusion on her face because he snorted, “I’m a Bomar, Rach. I’m conditioned to think that’s all I’m good for. I heard it all my life.”

  “But I thought your dad… well, Skylar said… I mean…”

  He nodded when she stumbled over words again, “You mean you heard that I was the favored son? Yeah, I heard that too. And to an extent it’s true. Decker never targeted me the way he did the twins but that doesn’t mean I don’t have scars.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know.” He said softly, his gaze on their linked hands when he frowned, “Just… looking like Decker, being the one they said acted like him, that carried its own weight. I don’t want to be like him.”

  “I don’t think you’re anything like him. You came back to protect your brothers. You’re fighting in that cage for them. You took Colt’s place to get him out of the family business. You saved him. I can’t think of any other Bomar that would do something like that.”

  Remy’s chin jerked up and a frown marred his handsome face, “Who told you that?”

  “Wh-what?” She hesitated at the tense set of his jaw.

  “Who told you I took Colt’s place to get him away from the family? That’s not exactly public knowledge, Rachel. That was a deal between me and Lincoln and…”

  “Skylar.” She cut him off with a frown of her own. “Skylar told me.”

  His frown melted away instantly and a sheepish smile took its place, “Sorry I just… of course she told you. I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t know it’s just, things with Lincoln are tense and…”

  “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

  “I should have known Skylar told you. She’s a good girl.”

  “She’s the best.” She agreed instantly. “Skylar, she saved me in a lot of ways. She gave me a job but she also gave me a chance. She says I’m like the little sister she never had but the truth is, she’s the best friend I’ve ever had. She’s been there for me when nobody else would have been.”

  “She warned me away from you, ya know?” Remy smirked and she grinned in return.

  “Yeah, she warned me away from you too, at first, but lately… she’s kind of your biggest cheerleader.”

  He chuckled, “Don’t think for a second I don’t know how lucky I am to be on that woman’s good side. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if she’d stuck to her guns and told me to stay away from you.”

  “I’m not sure even Skylar could’ve convinced me to stay away from you.” She admitted and felt a blush heat her cheeks when Remy groaned and tugged her even closer, until their bodies brushed.

  “Rach, nothing could’ve kept me away from you and nothing is going to convince me to let you go now that you’re here. You know that right?”

  She bit the inside of her cheek, “Remy I…”

  “You wanted to know why I stayed gone for two years? The truth is, I was scared. Scared that my brothers wouldn’t want me back after what I did to them. Scared that if I came back, I’d end up becoming someone I hate just to fit back into my own damn family. Scared that I’d have to face my parents and the scars they left me with.” Remy squeezed her hand and then met her gaze with a serious shake of his head, “But I’m done being scared, Rach. I’m done running. I’m back and I promised myself that I would protect the people I care about this time around. I didn’t expect you. I wasn’t looking for you. But the minute I saw you standing on the sidewalk that day, I knew you were going to be important to me. You are important to me. So I’m here for my brothers but I’m also here for you. Understand?”

  She swallowed hard and managed a shaky nod. It was a lot to take in. She couldn’t remember anyone in her life ever telling her that she was important to them. Couldn’t recall ever being important to anyone. Nobody had ever taken care of her before and more than anything she wanted to lean against Remy, to let him be that person and let him take care of her.

  “Good.” He stroked his fingers over hers slowly, softly, in a really distracting kind of way, “I wanted to make sure we were on the same page because last night changed things, Rach.”

  “I know.” She managed to find her voice.

  “I claimed you in front of half my family. They’re gonna assume that means we’re together and while it may have been spur of the moment, I meant every word. You’re mine so if you don’t want me, you need to tell me now.”

  “Remy…”

  “No, let me say this because I don’t want there to be any confusion about what I want.” He used his free hand to tilt her chin up so they were eye to eye, “I don’t know that I can let you go without a fight, even now, but I know without a doubt that once I have you, I won’t ever be able to let you walk away from me.”

  She bit her lip to keep from saying his name again. She’d tried to speak twice and he’d stopped her both times. She wasn’t sure what she would have said but she knew exactly what she wanted to say to him now. But she kept her lips sealed until he raised an eyebrow expectantly.

  “Rach?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were done before you cut me off again.”

  He chuckled, “Sorry babe, like I said, I wanted to be clear and up front with you about what I want. I want you. All of you.”

  “Now it’s my turn to be clear then… Nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before, Remy. Nobody has ever wanted me, not just like that but in any way. So, yes, I think it’s clear that I want you but I want you to know that I want you in every way too.”

  “God, it feels like I’ve waited forever to hear you say that.” Remy groaned, “I know it’s only really been a month since we met but I’ve been waiting for you forever, baby.”

  “I feel the same way.”

  Remy stroked his fingers over her racing pulse where their hands were joined, “I’m not gonna push you. I promise I’m not. I know extenuating circumstances sent you running to me last night but I’m not letting you go, Rach.”

  “You’re going to let me stay here?” She blinked in surprise.

  “As long as you want. Forever, if you want.” He smiled, flashing dimples when she only blinked at him, “Now, since I’ve answered your questions. Do me a favor and answer one of mine. Why are you making breakfast?”

  “What?”

  He’d just told her that he wanted to be with her in every way. That if she decided to be with him that he wouldn’t ever let her go. And then he’d asked about breakfast.

  “Why are you making breakfast?” He repeated easily.

  “Oh…” She cleared her throat and tried to follow his lead, “I uh, I wanted to thank you for last night.”

  His dark brows furrowed, “Thank me? For what?”

  “For bringing me here. For getting me out of there. For stopping Craig from…”

  When her words trailed off, Remy sighed, “Rach, you’re gonna have to talk to me about him. I’ve got questions, a lot of questions. I need to know what the deal is with your brother.”

  “Half-brother.”

  “Half-brother.” He agreed, “You’re scared of him?”

  It wasn’t really a question but she nodded, “He’s not a good guy. He… He threatens me. He’s got in in his head that he’s the
boss of me. Most of the time I can ignore him or avoid him but…”

  “But not yesterday?” He asked when she trailed off again.

  She wasn’t sure how much to tell him. Everything he’d told her said that he wouldn’t send her away but how could she be sure? Telling him just why she was so scared of Craig would change everything, again. She didn’t want to lose Remy when she’d only just found him.

  “Y-yesterday was a really bad day and I-I don’t want to go home. I’m scared of what he might do.”

  “You think he’ll hurt you?”

  She nodded.

  Remy scowled, “Has he hurt you before?”

  She chewed her bottom lip. She couldn’t answer that. Not honestly. If she answered it honestly, Remy was going to freak out. She knew he would because any decent person would. She couldn’t tell him. She’d never told anyone and no matter how much she trusted Remy, she couldn’t put it into words.

  Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

  Remy squeezed her hand to pull her attention back to him, “Is he the reason you’re scared of men?”

  She winced at the knowing look in his dark eyes, “It’s not that I’m scared of all men… I’m not scared of you.”

  “I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

  “What?”

  “You are scared of me, Rach. You can deny it but I can see it in the way you look at me sometimes.”

  She shook her head immediately, “I don’t think you’d ever hurt me.”

  “There may not be any reason for you to believe I’d hurt you but that doesn’t mean you trust that I won’t either.” He held up his free hand when she opened her mouth, “I’m not saying I’m special. I think you’re scared of all men. Not just me.”

  “I’m not scared of you, Remy. I-I-I…” She groaned when her words began to run together and stutter. No. She couldn’t start stuttering now. Not now. Not with Remy. Not when she needed the words so badly.

  “See. You’re stuttering. You only stutter when you’re scared.”