Imperfect Saint Page 9

  He sighed and pushed up from the doorframe, strolling towards her, “It’s partly why. I didn’t figure you’d like it, and I wanted you to like me.”

  “I do like you, Hunter.” She admitted softly and when he smiled down at her she mustered all her courage and reached for his wrist the way he’d done with her so many times today.

  She pulled him closer and he let her. He was standing directly in front of her again while she sat on the bed. Just like they’d been standing before, when her brother had interrupted them. Only this time it was dark outside, the mood felt completely different, and they were hardly wearing any clothes.

  Millie bit the inside of her cheek and slowly traced the lines of the tattoo. It was a twisting, twirling pattern that wrapped around his forearm. He didn’t move, hardly even breathed, as she ran her fingers over all of that dark black ink, not until she found what she hadn’t known she was looking for. Deep grooves and raised slashes of skin. Scars. Hunter sucked in a sharp breath as she traced those too and when she glanced back up at him, he was staring at her with a seriousness that completely unnerved her.

  “You got it to cover these?”

  “Yes.” His tone was sharp but his voice was soft. “I didn’t want to see the reminder every day so I tried covering it up. It didn’t work. I still think about it all the time.”

  “Think about what?”

  “The day it happened.”

  “Tell me about it?” She asked, her eyes studying his face so thoroughly that she saw it when he closed his eyes, his brows furrowing for a fraction of a second before he opened them again and gave a slight nod.

  “Not much to tell. You know I was in the Army. We were at war. I was in Afghanistan with my unit.” He shrugged as if that should explain it all but Millie didn’t release his arm.

  “What happened, Hunter?”

  He let out a whoosh of air, “Millie…”

  “I want to know.” She slid her hand into his. “Please. Hunter? You know so much about me already. I want to know you too.”

  He eyed her for a long moment. She could see him trying to decide. He didn’t want to relive the story. She understood that. But there was so much about him that she didn’t know, that she wanted to know, and she thought, maybe, this was as good a place to start as any. Finally, Hunter took a deep breath and let it out as he began to speak.

  “We were on patrol. It was twilight, that weird time between day and night where everything is shimmery and gold. I hated that time of day there. With the desert all around us, it made everything seem hazy and out of focus.” His brows furrowed again but he pressed on, “Anyway, we didn’t see the IED at all. It went off ahead of me, blew me backwards onto my ass and rained metal down onto me. I got knocked in the head with something and passed out. When I woke up I was back at base and it was days later. They’d done the surgery while I was unconscious, digging parts of the Humvee out of my arm they were embedded so deep.”

  “Oh, Hunter.” She squeezed his hand but he only shook his head.

  “Don’t pity me, Millie. I was one of the lucky ones. Four men died that day. Another two lost limbs. All I got was a few scars, just enough to be a constant reminder that I got off easy. My friends, my brothers, came home in boxes and I walked away with some scratches so I tried covering them up, inking over them, pretending it never happened, but pain doesn’t work like that. I survived and every day I remind myself that I have to live my life to the fullest, because my buddies didn’t get that chance.”

  Millie swallowed past the lump in her throat, “I don’t pity you but I am sorry you went through that.”

  “It’s part of military life.” He tried to shrug it off but she held tight to his hand.

  “For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you made it through so I could get the chance to meet you.”

  A small flicker of a smile softened his hard face and he reached up with his free hand and stroked her hair, “It’s worth everything, Mills.”

  Her heart gave an unsteady beat as she stared up at him. His golden green eyes were warm and gentle and never left her face. God, the way he looked at her sometimes… it scared her to death. He scared her. She wanted to leap into his arms and run away all at the same time.

  After she’d finally gotten away from Joshua, she’d promised herself that she would never again let a man have that much control over her. She’d refused to let herself fall for fear she’d never be able to climb back up again. Joshua had nearly destroyed her and giving another man that kind of power absolutely terrified her.

  But she could fall for Hunter, so easily, and she knew now, in this moment, that she already was.

  He was gorgeous and funny. He was smart and kind. He was a little bit broken too and he looked at her like she made his world a better place to be. He made her body react to him in ways she hadn’t known were possible and he scared her because control was the one thing she’d vowed never to give up again but she had no control at all over how Hunter made her feel.

  “Mills?” He gave her hair a small tug, just enough to pull her out of her thoughts, “What’re you thinking?”

  “I was thinking, you shouldn’t keep this covered all the time. It’s part of you, part of your story, part of what makes you, you.” She bit her lip and glanced up at him from under her lashes, “And for the record? I think it’s really, really sexy.”

  He groaned, “Don’t say stuff like that unless you mean it.”

  “I do mean it.” She smiled at his reaction, “I like it, a lot.”

  “Well, then I’m glad, I guess.” He stroked her hair one last time and then pulled away, “Come on. We’ve got a big day tomorrow. Get in bed and I’ll shut off the lights.”

  “Oh… um… okay.”

  Hunter raised an eyebrow when she fumbled over her words. Just like that, her heart was racing again. Her mind was whirling. And when she dropped her gaze to the floor again, she heard his heavy sigh.

  “Mills?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Look at me.” His voice was firm and when she glanced up, he shook his head, “You don’t have anything to worry about, sweetheart. I would never take advantage of this situation, or you. I’m not getting into that bed or any other with you until you ask me to. I’m going to grab the extra blanket and pillow and sleep on that couch tonight.”

  Millie glanced from him to the couch and back again. She blinked in confusion. The couch was tiny. It was mostly decorative. It was more of a bench really and there was no way someone Hunter’s size could sleep on it, not comfortably at least. She’d gotten it in high school and put it in the little window nook along with her bookcase so that she could sit there and look out over the pastures and read. It hadn’t even been comfortable enough to sit on for long periods if she remembered correctly.

  She shook her head, “What? No.”

  “Yes.” He reached for the pillow opposite her but she grabbed the other end, “Millie, let go.”

  “No.” She shook her head again, “You can’t sleep on that thing, Hunter. It’s tiny and hard as a rock.”

  “Trust me. I’ve slept in worse places.”

  “Not when there was a perfectly useable bed right next to it.”

  “Millie.” He said her name again as he ran a hand through his dark hair, “Look, I know you’re trying to do the polite thing here but, you don’t have to. I’m giving you the easy way out. You’re not comfortable sharing a bed with me. Not yet. And until you are, I’m not pressing my luck, babe.”

  Her heart gave another of those strange little flutters and she tightened her grip on the pillow. Maybe he did know her better than she’d realized. Clearly, he’d read her mind because she’d been second-guessing whether sharing a bed with him was a good idea before he even came out of the bathroom. But after he’d shared such a personal story about his past, about his scars and his ink, she felt closer to him than she ever had and she didn’t like the idea of forcing him to sleep on the floor, or even that bench, like some stranger.
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  “It’s not like I think you’re going to attack me.”

  “Millie.” He pulled at the pillow again but she held firm.

  “Hunter.” She shot his name back in just as an exasperated tone. “Hear me out. I don’t think you’re going to like, attack me or force me into anything but I will admit… I was wondering what would happen if we shared this bed and got tangled up in the middle of the night…”

  “And?”

  “And… I was trying to figure out if that was something I was actually worried about or hoping for.”

  Hunter groaned again and this time he swiped a big hand over his face, eyes closed, as he shook his head, “God. Mills. What did I tell you about saying stuff like that?”

  “You told me not to say it if I didn’t mean it, but I do. It’s just the truth, Hunter. That’s what scares me most about you. Something about you, everything about you, makes me want to tell you all my truths.”

  “I also told you that you don’t have to be afraid of me. You can tell me anything. It’s not going to change how I feel about you.”

  She chewed the inside of her cheek because having him back within touching distance, barely clothed, in her bedroom, telling her that nothing would change how he felt about her, made her ache inside. She wanted to have the courage to reach for him. She wanted to believe him. But she still wasn’t ready and she knew if she told him while they were here, for the wedding, with Joshua just downstairs in a guest room, that Hunter would want to make him pay for hurting her. He’d cause a scene. He’d ruin the wedding. And she’d brought him to avoid any scenes with her ex.

  “Just…” She tugged the pillow again and he let it slip from between his fingers, letting her win a battle she knew he could have won with one firm tug in the other direction, “We can share the bed, right? We’re adults. Not hormonal teenagers. We can sleep beside one another and it’ll be fine. Right?”

  Hunter smirked when she glanced up at him, “You tell me, beautiful. You’re the one clearly thinking about jumping my bones.”

  She let out a snort of surprised laughter and he chuckled. The weight that had become suffocating in the room eased with their laughter. Millie felt her heart slip a little more out of her grasp at the easy way he handled her and lightened the seriousness of the mood. She smiled up at him and he returned her knowing smile before retreating to the door and motioning for her to get into bed before he flipped the light switch.

  Millie crawled beneath the covers. Hunter flipped the lights off and she heard him move towards the bed again. She bit her cheek in the darkness. She’d won the argument but really, had she? She lay perfectly still as Hunter slid into the bed on the other side and arranged his big body, getting comfortable. She stared at the ceiling until her vision began to adjust and she could make out the shape of the fan on the ceiling.

  She admitted to herself, in that moment, that yes, this was what she’d wanted. Hunter was what she wanted. Even if the two of them together was a bad idea, even if they worked together, even if it was complicated and she was broken and scared, he wasn’t just the kind of man she wanted. He was the man that she could see herself being with, healing with, growing with and as terrifying as it was, opening up to him had to start somewhere.

  She’d lied about so many things. Kept so many secrets. But there was one truth that she needed to hear and she thought that he needed to tell it just as badly from the way he’d reacted when she told him not to earlier. The easy way out, that was what he’d called it then and she’d known it made her a chicken to take it. He’d said the same thing about him sleeping on the couch but she hadn’t let him get away with it then and she knew if she truly wanted a future with this man that seemed to know her better than she knew herself, that she had to ask.

  “Hunter?” She whispered his name in case he’d fallen asleep.

  “Yeah?” He whispered back instantly and she smiled in the darkness, loving the way his voice sounded more like a growl when it went low like that.

  “What was the other answer?”

  “What do you mean?” He shifted slightly, the mattress moving under his weight, but she didn’t dare roll to face him in case he was looking at her. She didn’t think she’d have the courage to ask the question if she could see his eyes. She closed her own and took a deep breath before asking again.

  “Earlier, when we were dancing, you kissed me and when I asked why you told me I could have the easy answer or the truth.”

  “And you chose the easy answer.” He reminded her softly.

  “I… I changed my mind.” She swallowed past the knot in her throat, “Why did you kiss me? Why then? Why now?”

  Hunter gave a heavy sigh and she felt him shift again, “You want the truth?”

  “Yeah.” She nodded even though she wasn’t sure he could see her, “Yeah I think that would be a nice change in one of my relationships.”

  Hunter didn’t move for a moment. She wasn’t even sure he breathed. She worried that she’d said too much, that he would put all of her lies and omissions together just from that one sentence. But then she felt it. He reached for her hand on top of the blankets and she let him take it. He laced their fingers together and she tried to steady her breathing when he slid his thumb across her wrist, no doubt feeling the thrumming pulse there.

  “The truth is, I couldn’t imagine spending one more second of my life not knowing what it was like to kiss you, Millie. You can try to chalk it up to nothing but an act for your family or your ex, but I wasn’t pretending. Nothing about that kiss was fake for me and I really, really hope I get the chance to kiss you again, because you may not think you’re perfect but to me, you are.”

  Millie’s bottom lip quivered and tears formed in her eyes at the sweet words. He couldn’t see her in the dark room. She was almost sure of it. Still, she didn’t let the tears fall. She closed her eyes and squeezed them back, swallowed down the rush of emotions that came along with them, and tried to steady herself yet again. That was something she always seemed to be doing with Hunter because no matter how she thought her feet were planted firmly on the ground, he continued to knock her off balance.

  “Mills?” His voice was soft, barely a whisper, “Say something. Please?”

  God, she loved how damn sweet he was. She loved his honesty and his openness. She envied him the ability to simply put what he was feeling into words because for the life of her, she couldn’t think of any at that moment.

  Instead, she let her heart guide her. She squeezed his hand and then, she scooted across the bed towards him. She heard him suck in a quick gulp of air but he didn’t move. He didn’t try to pull her closer, or on top of him. He didn’t try to kiss her or make this moment sexual. It was far more intimate than that and he let her have complete control.

  Hunter let go of her hand to wrap his big arm around her as she wiggled into a comfortable position against his side. Her hand slid across his chest and he raised his other to it, holding it over his heart. She rested her head against his chest and listened to the sound of him breathing and the steady but quick thump of his heart.

  She smiled against his skin, knowing he could feel it, even if it was too dark to see, “I think you’re going to get another chance.”

  “I hope so, Mills. I really, really hope so.” He kissed the top of her head and she closed her eyes.

  She felt warm and safe and happy in Hunter’s arms. And hopeful. For the first time since she’d left Joshua, he wasn’t the last thing on her mind as she fell asleep. Hunter was and she dreamed of their magical first date, the one he’d told everyone about at dinner, the one that had happened barely an hour ago but felt like an eternity in the making. She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

  8

  Hunter woke up slowly. His mind was reluctant to leave the dream he was having behind. In it, he was holding Millie. Her soft body was pressed against him. His arms were wrapped around her and when he canted his hips, pressing his erection against the curve of her ass, she made that
low, kittenish sound she’d made when he kissed her.

  “Mmm.” He hummed as his sleep-addled brain began to rouse but when he opened his eyes the dream world was gone completely.

  He was in bed alone. He was only clutching a pillow to his chest in the place where Millie had been in his dream. She wasn’t in bed with him anymore. She wasn’t even in the room. The bathroom door was open and empty too and that made him grouchy. She’d left him sleeping and gone out by herself.

  Hunter groaned as he pushed upright, all the old aches and pains making themselves known after a night of tossing and turning. A glimpse at his watch on the nightstand shocked him so much he closed his eyes before looking at it again. It still said it was a little after eight when he put it back down and swiped a hand across his sleepy eyes.

  He’d slept late and Millie had let him sleep. He had no idea how long she’d been gone but considering it was past eight in the morning he’d guess she had been up for a while. He couldn’t believe he’d slept in, that he hadn’t woken when she got up or dressed or left the room. Then again, he’d lain awake half the night just holding her, smelling her sweetly lotioned skin and the soothing lavender scent of her hair. He’d listened to her breathing, felt her heart beating against him where she’d tucked herself into his side. He’d been more than happy to be her pillow, her mattress, her blanket, whatever she needed. But it was hell sleeping with a hard-on and he knew he hadn’t conked out until the early hours of morning.

  His morning wood jumped just thinking about having Millie in his arms and he collapsed back into the bed. He eased his hand down and gave his thick length a quick stroke. His entire body went tight like a livewire and he knew it wouldn’t take much to come. A few thoughts about Millie and a couple quick tugs and he’d feel a hell of a lot better but he didn’t dare give into the urge.

  Millie might come back to the room at any moment and he didn’t want her barging in to the sight of him with his hand in his pants. He didn’t want to scare her off. The least he could do since he’d overslept was drag his sorry ass to the shower and jerk off where he could easily clean up and go find the woman that had put him in this sad state in the first place.